If you're spending a lot of time getting frustrated and angry with other people because they "just don't understand how important this is to me," you've probably become a bridezilla.
Bridezillas typically may come in two varieties: the passive and the active.
Passive bridezillas may use guilt to create action in other people. They pout, they cry, they get depressed. Passive bridezillas sigh and look bleak; they try to guilt trip other people into performing up to their internal standard of perfection.
We heard a bridezilla recently in a bridal store. "Daddy," she said wistfully. "I sure wish I could be the prettiest bride ever. But that's okay. I know you and mom are doing your best."
Yikes! Of course the bride's father upped the budget and got her the dress she wanted. But the interaction wasn't fair. The father had been guilt tripped into going deeper into his pockets for the wedding. Looking back, will it have been worth it$%: Should she trade her father's comfort for a particular wedding dress$%: By the way, if she had just gone a little further down the rack, she would have seen a nearly identical gown that fell inside her dad's budget.
The more famous bridezilla is of course the active variety.
Active bridezillas use a false sense of power to compel people into doing what they want. Remember, this all comes from a driving need for perfection. The active bridezilla yells, demands and expects that everyone in her environment will put everything else in their lives aside and help her to achieve her perfect wedding.
The active bridezilla has lost her ability to see that vendors have busy workloads, family members have lives of their own, and friends have only so many hours in any given day. Active bridezillas are likely to explode when something doesn't meet their idea of perfection.
We overheard a bride in a bakery store one day. "I don't know what's wrong with you people," she said furiously. "I want my cake to have seven layers, not six!" Was there a different way she could have handled this situation$%: Is there really any life-long consequence for having a cake with six layers instead of seven$%: Should everyone in the establishment have to deal with her explosion$%:
o Bridezillas are powder kegs of emotion. Yes, being emotional during the wedding process is normal, but feeling like you're going to absolutely explode if a detail doesn't go your way is not. Remember, we do give brides some room for emotional roller- coastering; but basic manners and consideration for others still applies. You're still not supposed to scream at other people, or guilt-trip them into doing something! You're still expected to try to be kind and considerate (at least most of the time). You're still expected to show respect and concern for others.
So, sit down, take a breath and recover yourself.
o You may need to confide in others your fears, overwhelm, sadnesses, excitement, pressure, or whatever else you are feeling along the way, so that it doesn't build up into being a bridezilla. Keep communication channels open with your fianc:%$eacute;, family and friends!
o You may need to really make some effort every day to do some kind of stress and relaxation exercises.
o Make sure you are taking care of yourself physically -diet, exercise, and sleep.
o Seek professional help if necessary - sometimes it is! Make it okay.
o And remember that perfection does not always equal happiness. Do the best you can and others will too.
o Be Yourself
This is your wedding-your beautiful commitment to another and
you'll want to enjoy it, savour it, and have great memories as much as you can!
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